top of page

The Tulip šŸŒ·


I was talking with a good friend this morning when I realized how significant emojis had become in my texting life. This was especially true in my last relationship. I remember how once weā€™d begun the descent into separation and were treading on unsteady ground, Iā€™d often make it mean something if he would put a purple heart at the end of his message and how my body would tense up when he didnā€™t.

Itā€™s funny how much power a little symbol can have. Can you relate?

My friend mentioned how she has trained some of the men in her life to use emojis. Letā€™s face it, men can tend to be one-word wonders when it comes to communicating. The male species is wired for the ā€˜bottom lineā€™ as it were and the ā€˜bottom lineā€™ is generally pretty simple.

Emojis can be a great way to bridge the divide between men and women. For instance, when I receive a one-word message from a man without an emoji like a heart or some flowers in response to something Iā€™ve said, I might have a hard time clearly understanding what he means. However, when he adds a heart-- especially that coveted purple heart,šŸ’œ and flowers, šŸ’ it softens the sparseness of the communication.

I have also experienced something Iā€™d like to call an ā€˜emoji trauma.ā€™ What do I mean by this? In a relationship I was in with a man, we used the tulip, yes the innocuous pink tulip as a signal that I should not respond when he texted me. Our arrangement was that he might write, ā€œThinking of you šŸŒ·ā€ and the power of the tulip emoji told me that this was a moment for a one-way communication; that I should not respond, even with an emoji like namaste hands, šŸ™ or a rosešŸŒ¹...

Ah, the power of the tulip šŸŒ·.

The tulip created a boundary. Weā€™d set up this structure so he would feel safe to reach out to me and know that he would not be obliged to engage deeply. Iā€™d asked him for this; it was a kind of a bridge to let me know he was caring about me even though his capacity for connection was limited at the time.

It was a practical arrangement which worked for a while. Ultimately, it became painful for me and I realized that I actually wanted to be in a relationship with the kind of person who has the capacity to be present with me even if heā€™s not fully available, or if only for a moment with a word or a little emoji. This doesnā€™t seem like too much to ask and in this grand experiment called life, Iā€™m learning as I go. We all are.

I am now reframing the sweet little tulip. Why we picked the tulip to symbolize this strong boundary rather than a skull and crossbones or something darker, I do not know.

Iā€™ve started using the tulip again in a more friendly, casual way. It feels good to release the poor little tulip from her prison and to include her as a thing of beauty and joy once again.

Recent Posts
Archive
Search By Tags
Follow Us
  • Facebook Social Icon
  • Facebook Social Icon
  • YouTube Social  Icon
  • LinkedIn Social Icon
bottom of page